When I was a younger after we moved to the U.S. when memories started forming and solidifying in my brain. You projected your frustrations and regrets on to me. Over the years it turned into a decrease in affection and an increase in criticism. You were my first bully among the course of many more that I had to face in my future. I don’t know what happened in your past mama, I don’t know if it’s anything that I did mama. But I crave your love and affection mama. And now that I’m an adult I’m failing at finding your love in men mama.